Care Less in What Others Think of You

Mental health is a hot mess right now in our cultures. If we venture to think about it and just think through our circles of our colleagues or friends life is a beat down. We’re under more scrutiny than ever as a country, in the companies we work for, and within the teams of co-workers we work with. Misunderstanding as well as intolerance creeps into just about every corner of our lives. It’s complex to navigate or at least learn to navigate through. Or, is it? Could there be a simpler way to deal with this weight around us holding us down?

Yes. Change your perspective. Easier said then done. Today, from my researching, studies, and learning this week I focused there. We need to be our own change agents, because the influencers around us will most likely not change and some not even helpful. Your personality and character is much more agile then you give it credit for.

There was a time where I thought my past determined my future. I learned though, I can change at any time. There was a period of time in my current career about 6 years ago that I didn’t think I had what it took to succeed. There were people of influence around me that even reinforced that thinking which didn’t help. But, 6 years later and almost 9 years total I learned how to change. Our past experiences DO NOT heavily impact our future. Only when we let them.

“No experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure.”

– Alfred Adler

We actively choose our lifestyle. It’s a choice. Choice intones that you can make it and it is in your control to do whatever you want. These decisions are influenced by our life/work experiences, both positive and negative. The key is self-awareness. Build this skill of mindfulness to see your self-awareness exponentially accelerate. When you’re more self-aware, the power of choice will always be yours. Not in the power or hands of others.

“One might say you are lacking in the courage to be happy.”

– Alfred Adler

You’re going to be impacted by a shortcoming. It is definitely going to happen in your life time. Prepare for it, believe it. With that mindset, again, self-awareness can help you see it coming. Not avoid it, but learn from it. Our minor imperfections are not the accumulation of our success or failure in our efforts. They are the milestones to them. You will be able to fix the issues or multiply the successes with this approach. You’ll have the insights you need to change or control the outcome. We need to learn that pain or exclusion are as much a part of our lives as joy and inclusion. Don’t misidentify, creating a false lead that takes you to a really bad place.

External worries about being “good enough” in our communities are in our lives daily. I don’t live in a world anymore of “rivals” around me. I’ve learned to place a premium on what I can learn from being around them. Not, he/she is better than me. There is going to be winners and losers. Being in one bucket at the end or the other doesn’t honestly matter. It’s what you can pick up, what you can learn along the way. The relentless pressure of needing to be a winner all the time? Exhausting. Eventually you’re not going to win. Does that make you a loser? Of course not. Free yourself from this cyclical competitive attitude is empowering. More empowering then being #1. I refuse to believe someone is holding me back or pushing me forward. I did the work. I reap the consequences and learns from it.

Live for you, not for others. You’re not here to fulfill their expectations, you need to align yours to what your expectations are. That may align with the expectations your boss may have of you. It is infinitely easier to work if they are. If their not, seek to understand or “learn-in” to the expectation to make it align. There is a very high risk in doing something for the approval of others. It almost always lands in the space of resentment. A loss of yourself or passion in the effort to land the expectation that you don’t even care for. You need to find your motivation because only YOU know what that is. This may mean you have to be ready to disappoint everyone for the cause.

Your not bigger than the communities around you. Stop this toxic way of looking at your life/work social circles that way. Pay attention to how you fit into it. Being part of a global community at life/work encompasses everyone. As you begin to see how your playlist fits in with others you’ll find yourself open to all kinds of learns. You’ll begin to care a little more. In that care you will find vulnerability to learn from someone next to you. Not the caretaker of it or boss of it. When we realize we’re not the center of the universes we spend our time in, true change is allowed to take place.

“Don’t think in terms of what the world can give you. Think instead about what you can give the world.”

– Alfred Adler

Stop feeling you are stuck with what or who you are. Being empowered by the fact you can change. Back to the top of the post I started with, change your perspective. It will result in disappointment and even getting you hurt. You can develop as much as you want or would like. No one is going to be as hard of a worker or your advocate as you can be. Your own fulfillment has always been in your reach.

Live in your moments.

✌🏻 Shawn

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And he saith vnto them, Follow mee: and I will make you fishers of men. Matthew 4:19 (1611 KJV)

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